I rarely get out of my pyjamas until 4 – ok 5pm – when I’ve decided that (really) enough is enough and it’s time to go workout or whatever. But let me tell you – it’s not JUST because I’m a mom now. It’s pure logistics – I work from home so between the time it takes me to get both kids rounded up and up the stairs and into my room so I can grab some clothes between their endless opening drawers, and pulling stuff off shelves, and the “OMG where did you even FIND THAT?” emergencies – it doesn’t make a lot of sense to put on something nice just to have one of them snot all over the front of it in literally less than six minutes.
But it’s NOT just because I’m a mom now. When I need to, and that can be for any reason including leaving the house, having company, or pure desire to not look like a dishrag, I DO. And I really take the time to look at my closet full of clothes I’ve basically had since 1984 and find the stuff with the least amount of holes and fade.
I really do!
I work with women, I’m friends with them, I have this kind of innate desire to kick them out of ruts pretty much all the time, and I literally cringe as my heart breaks when I hear them say, “I’m just a mom now.”
What does that even mean?
Granted, I am a health and wellness coach so it’s generally said in relation to being happy or not being happy with weight; but, by extension it’s an entire mindset about what we can or cannot do when we are ‘just moms’.
Look momma.. I know you haven’t slept in two years, you’re practically vibrating from living off of adrenaline because there’s nothing else left in the tank, and I can actually see the bags under your eyes from here. (I know this because I just looked in the mirror and that was the description of the woman I just saw). But ‘mom’ doesn’t mean ‘over’.
So here. Five reasons why “just a mom” is complete and utter B.S.
- Motherhood is an amazing responsibility. But it’s not just about keeping little people alive, it’s about building community and entire generational perspectives. (No pressure….) But damn! For this reason alone – never use MOM as a means to justify disregarding your health, your passion, and your greater purpose. This role, this title we have taken on is not a justification for quitting.. On the contrary it has stretched you (literally and figuratively) into a real, honest-to-god powerhouse. For the sake of the little people mirroring us.. Really DO you. The guilt we feel for taking time to explore ourselves doesn’t translate to children the way we think it does. Instead, at least in my experience, they feed off my own internal excitement and become curious and interested. Now – I’m not saying we poo-poo all of our responsibility in order to meditate all day, but I am saying that making space for your self-care at the expense of some of the less important ‘stuff’ that fills your day, and making that behaviour a part of who you are, is integral. It’s integral to you and to the new people who look up to you to figure out how they should navigate their lives and where to invest their own priorities.
- ‘Normal’ has become a thing of processed food, stress, burn out, and just plain BUSY, right? Is that your normal? Does that even FEEL normal? We look at those women who seem to have it all – and we think that it is ABNORMAL. To be fit and energized and able to live in a way that nurtures our purpose actually seems impossible. But here’s the thing – ‘normal’ is defined by YOU. If being ‘mom’ to you means stressed out, out of shape, out of time, and simply surviving.. then that is exactly what it is. You are the only one capable of defining what normal – and what ‘having it all’ – actually means to you. Consciously decide what you want your normal to be, momma. And everyday take one little step to fully embrace it.
- Perfection. Perfection! B.S.!
- ..Umm. Obviously ‘perfection’ again. I’m going to pound on perfection twice here.. Because it longs for a deeper discussion! “Mom” perfection has many connotations but in this sense we are talking about giving up on things because we can’t be perfect at them all the time. But it’s not ‘mom’ versus ‘perfection’ – one versus the other or one versus the pursuit of the other.. It’s just not about perfection at all. Perfection is paralyzing and if you fall prey to it, please for the love of all things HAPPY, call yourself on your own B.S.! Figure out whose rules you’re playing by anyway! The end goal is never about perfection. It’s about finding happiness and obtaining little, awesome milestones along the way.
- One of my BIGGIES because it seems to really get in the way of everything – is judgement. When we judge the fit woman, or the successful woman, or whoever really, because we are ‘just a mom’ now, we automatically place a negative connotation on that ‘type’ of woman. The fit woman MUST be selfish, obsessed, utterly consumed with her body and what she eats, etc etc etc. Consider that these judgements may just stem from a fear that you can’t get what YOU want, therefore there must be something HORRENDOUS about those who already have it. And in that vein, you’ll never get what you actually WANT because you’ve judged it as bad in some way. You’ll never get fit because of the negative connotations you’ve assigned to the ‘fit woman’.
The names we give ourselves are a big deal. When I hear, “Mom”, I couldn’t possibly ever put the words ‘just a’ in front of it. It demeans everything that ‘mom’ really stands for. Moms will always LOVE first, but we also mother by example. So if you have to say it, start saying, “I’m just a mom, so I play, I organize, I walk to my own damn drum, I hug, I work, I learn, I educate, I feel sexy, I contribute, I have passion, I feel everything, and I take time for me.”
You’re not ‘just a mom’, momma.. Even if you do have snot running down the front of the only nice shirt you’ve bought in three years.
You’re a powerhouse. And we’ve got love for all the parts of YOU.
Just For Me
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